DIANA ADAMS: TED Talk on Chosen Families

How love works in threes, fours or fives

In the US city of Somerville, many polyamorous people live and love in new relationship models. Here, three households talk about their everyday lives between freedom and scheduling, cohesion and jealousy.   

Death Planning for Queer Families

CFLC Executive Director Diana Adams says that the most critical thing for diverse families to do to prepare for the death of a family member is:  "Have vulnerable conversations with our loved ones about who we would want to make medical decisions if in a health crisis or end of life, as well as preparing for the care and financial support of loved ones after we pass, and execute legal paperwork, including advance medical directives and a will to get these intentions in writing to provide your family with the security they deserve." Because cost is a significant barrier for many diverse families, the CFLC provides a range of pro bono documentation services and uses donations to subsidize the legal expenses of poor and working-class chosen families.

All families are not the same. Three or four parents? Family shapes are expanding in America

Diana Adams was interviewed and featured in this article for one of Japan's largest newspapers.

In the United States, there are states that allow three adults to have equal custody of a child. How widespread is the ``three-person parent'' trend? How have families changed and what will they become? We spoke to Diana Adams, a lawyer and founder of the Chosen Family Law Center (New York), a nonprofit organization that promotes family diversity. 

Legal Recognition Of 3-Plus-Parent Families Slowly Expanding

Many families looking for legal recognition of more than two parents do not involve polyamory.

Is multi-partner recognition and multi-parent recognition a very different thing? According to attorney Diana Adams of the Chosen Family Law Center, and a key force behind the Somerville Ordinance, maybe not. In their TEDTalk, Adams argues that research has consistently shown that children need the stability of parental figures, but that a child’s stability does not necessarily come from one mom and one dad. They argue that laws that don’t meet family structures where they are — whether that’s unmarried platonic co-parents, or a triad or quad of parents — punish the children of those family structures.

CFLC Board Member Caroline Giuliani wrote this beautifully comprehensive piece for Vanity Fair in July 2023  highlighting the work of CFLC and others in the movement to destigmatize polyamory and establish rights+protections for poly families:

Love, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Polyamory: A Look Under the Covers of Nonmonogamy and Its Burgeoning Civil Rights Battle

Watch our Executive Director Diana Adams address European Parliament in Madrid

Diana Adams was invited to present in-person at the Madrid Summit's International Conference on Human Rights, hosted by the European Parliament and EU Human Rights Commission in Madrid (Summer 2023). 

They spoke during a panel called "Legal Tools & Strategic Litigation for Protecting LGBTQIA+ Rights."

Click HERE to watch their talk, which starts at 5:31:30.

 Map your constellation of care. Who matters in your life today? Who is there for you? For whom are you there?

Family is comprised of people who are committed to be there for you no matter what—bonded in ways that transcend circumstance, geography, and convenience. Often those people are our relatives, other times they are our friends and sometimes they are a combination of both. In this Esther Perel Sessions Interview with Diana Adams, they discuss the concept of family of choice—the individuals around you with whom you have lifelong committed mutual support. Those who provide you with a sense of belonging. 

 WATCH HERE.

Peter McGraw speaks to Diana Adams, the founder of the Chosen Family Law Center, Inc. and boutique LGBTQ family law and mediation firm Diana Adams Law & Mediation, PLLC. Both organizations serve primarily same-sex couples and non-nuclear families. Diana’s incredible TED talk “Why US laws must expand beyond the nuclear family” serves as the basis for the conversation. They suggest that, although the nuclear family model may no longer be the norm in the US. It’s still the basis for social and economic benefits like health care, tax breaks, and citizenship. Diana contends that all families, regardless of biological relationship or legal marriage, are deserving of equal legal rights and recognition.  Peter and Diana have a wide-ranging conversation that includes how Solos are affected by these laws – and present a call to action for aging Solos. 

LISTEN HERE

Interested in Polyamory? Check Out These Places

Laws granting rights to people in polyamorous relationships are being recognized in more cities. 

"In late March, Somerville passed two more laws extending the rights of nonmonogamous residents, this time banning discrimination on the basis of “family or relationship structure” in city employment and policing . . .  After Somerville passed its domestic partnership law, Arlington and Cambridge, two other cities in Massachusetts, added polyamorous units to their existing domestic partnership ordinances. But once people register as domestic partners there, benefits may extend beyond Massachusetts as well: “So people around the country are able to come get registered and go home to generally use it as they would any other domestic partnership they registered for in their home city or anywhere,” Diana Adams, executive director of Chosen Family Law Center."  

CFLC Senior Legal Director Andy Izenson was a guest of the With Love and Justice For All podcast on May 16, 2023 to discuss the

Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition.  

"Last month, Somerville, MA became the first city in the United States to extend legal protections against discrimination to people in polyamorous relationships and other nontraditional family structures. We talk with lawyers Heron Greenesmith and Andy Izenson from The Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition (PLAC) who were both instrumental in the passage of the ordinances."  

Listen here.

Somerville celebrates another first for polyamorous people

"The Massachusetts-based Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition helped draft the language for the legislation in these communities . . . Adams, whose New York City-based organization oversees the Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition, said the legislation will have a ripple effect . . .Adams said policies on a municipal level can be the start of big change. That was one of the lessons of the same-sex partnership movement, they said; that once you can put your partner and family on paper, “that really helps change social attitudes.”

2 married couples divorced so they could become a polyamorous foursome 

"These kinds of laws create a mindset shift" in communities, workplaces, and families, Diana Adams, Wright's lawyer and the executive director of the Chosen Family Law Center, told Insider. "It's a seal of approval from the government that this is something that's legitimate and should be respected."  

A Massachusetts City Decides to Recognize Polyamorous Relationships

The city of Somerville has broadened the definition of domestic partnership to include relationships between three or more adults, expanding access to health care.

"Andy Izenson, a lawyer with the Chosen Family Law Center, a nonprofit organization that provides legal services to polyamorous and other nontraditional families, said the ordinance could be put to a judicial test if health insurance companies reject the city’s more expansive definition of domestic partnership. It could also run into resistance from conservatives, as same-sex marriage did in 2015.  Or it could, as he put it, “fly under the radar.”
“When one area does it, and it serves as a test case, and legislators see that the town or county has not had a culture war implosion,” he said, “that’s how things spread.”  

 https://vietnamtimes.org.vn/polyamory-new-trend-of-the-us-families-22073.html

Andy Izenson, a lawyer at Chosen Family Law Center, a nonprofit organization that provides legal services to polyamorous and other nontraditional families, said the ordinance could be put to a judicial test if health insurance companies reject the city’s more expansive definition of domestic partnership. It could also run into resistance from conservatives, as same-sex marriage did in 2015, according to New York Times.  

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/somerville-massachusetts-recognizes-polyamorous-relationships/

Andy Izenson, senior legal director of Chosen Family Law Center in New York, told the Journal that Somerville's ordinance is a step in the right direction.

"I think it's pretty amazing — strategies like this are the best chance we have of moving towards a legal understanding of family that's as comprehensive as it needs to be to serve all families," Izenson said. 

"I've seen a few other small-scale or local entities that have taken steps towards recognizing that relationships between adults are not only between two adults, but this is the first time I have seen this strategy brought to fruition."

https://www.ibtimes.com/massachusetts-city-council-unanimously-approves-polyamory-domestic-partnerships-3005273

Unmarried partners commonly run into legal problems because there is no legal framework to protect their rights. Chosen Family Law Center director Andy Izenson hailed Sommerville's ordinance.

"I think it's pretty amazing — strategies like this are the best chance we have of moving towards a legal understanding of family that's as comprehensive as it needs to be to serve all families," Izenson said.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2020/07/02/polyamory-massachusetts-city-somerville-relationships-us/5370718002/

Chosen Family Law Center's Senior Legal Director Andy Izenson told the Journal that he had never seen any town adopt such a broad policy.

“I think it’s pretty amazing – strategies like this are the best chance we have of moving towards a legal understanding of family that’s as comprehensive as it needs to be to serve all families,” Izenson said. “I’ve seen a few other small-scale or local entities that have taken steps towards recognizing that relationships between adults are not only between two adults, but this is the first time I have seen this strategy brought to fruition.”

https://www.boston.com/news/local-news/2020/07/02/somerville-votes-to-officially-recognize-polyamorous-relationships

Andy Izenson, a lawyer with the Chosen Family Law Center, a nonprofit organization that provides legal services to polyamorous families, said the ordinance could be put to a judicial test if health insurance companies reject the city’s more expansive definition of domestic partnership. It could also run into resistance from conservatives, as same-sex marriage did in 2015. 

Or it could, as he put it, “fly under the radar.”

“When one area does it, and it serves as a test case, and legislators see that the town or county has not had a culture war implosion,” he said, “that’s how things spread.”

https://www.wgbh.org/news/politics/2020/07/02/somerville-recognizes-polyamorous-and-other-multiple-adult-families

“The first civil unions were a really exciting turning point for people in same-sex couples,” she said. “And we’re now at that moment this week with polyamorous couples and other multi-adult families.”

Beyond being a step toward acceptance, it’s tough to know what the Somerville ordinance will mean from a legal standpoint for multiple-partner families, she said.

“This would define domestic partnership and extend rights that are similar to marriage just within Somerville, Massachusetts — which is fairly limited,” she said.

For example, Adams said city employees should now be able to extend health benefits to multiple domestic partners, but it’s unclear whether a private employer in Somerville would have to do the same.

Nevertheless, Adams said she believes this will be the start of a trend, and suspects other municipalities will soon follow Somerville’s lead.

 https://www.bostonglobe.com/2020/07/02/metro/somervilles-polyamory-ordinance-is-first-nation/

“The Somerville ordinance is an exciting turning point for people who are polyamorous or in multipartner families,” said Diana Adams, the executive director of the Chosen Family Law Center in New York. “There has been tremendous momentum and energy and hope for this for many years.”

https://www.bostonherald.com/2020/07/02/somerville-approves-polyamorous-relationship-policy-more-than-two-people-can-be-in-official-domestic-partnership/

“This has done something really amazing in the discourse of family relationships, and the possibilities that it has opened up,” said Andy Izenson of the Chosen Family Law Center, adding that the approved Somerville policy is the first such one to pass in the country.

“It’s really exciting,” Izenson said. “It’s the bottom-up community work like this that creates genuine social change and acceptance

https://somerville.wickedlocal.com/news/20200701/somerville-recognizes-polyamorous-domestic-partnerships  

"It’s the first time that family law attorney Andy Izenson has seen a municipality do anything like this. 'I think it’s pretty amazing – strategies like this are the best chance we have of moving towards a legal understanding of family that’s as comprehensive as it needs to be to serve all families,” said Izenson. “I’ve seen a few other small-scale or local entities that have taken steps towards recognizing that relationships between adults are not only between two adults, but this is the first time I have seen this strategy brought to fruition.'

Izenson noted states recognizing third-parent adoptions as action that is close to offering broader rights to families, but pointed out that most gains in “marriage equality” have all been carefully defined as between two people.

'. . .There are two kinds of legal advocacy: the bottom-up kind and the top-down kind,” they said. “Top-down meaning law that comes from the Supreme Court...which, in terms of day-to-day life is more reflective of culture change than leading the way. This type of bottom-up work – local people making policy regarding their neighbors – that’s the sort of thing that’s not only reflective of a culture shift, but a shift towards acceptance and support of a broader variety of families.'” 

In October 2019, Diana Adams was interviewed about our legal practice as part of a CBSN Originals 23-minute documentary on consensually non-monogamous partnerships and families: Speaking Frankly: Non-monogamy.  

Following that, Diana had a one-on-one interview with CBS news anchor Tanya Rivero to more fully discuss the challenges for non-monogamous and LGBTQ+ families, including child custody, immigration and health insurance. 

You can view that interview here: Diana Adams on “Legal Hurdles in Non-Monogamous Relationships”